Why Some People Drive You Nuts?
An ancient proverb says, ‘Everyone looks normal until you get to know them better.’ And the reverse is also true and that is, ‘Everyone looks abnormal until you get to know them better.’ On our planet, a large percentage of people exhibit characteristics of being tough, highly independent, stubborn, impossible to please, restless, perfectionists, etc., and they continue to lead their entire life like that.
Practically, everyone would have experienced or heard true stories of such horrid people, inside and outside the workplace, who drive others nuts through their irrational behaviors. The traditional methods of diplomatic interaction that work for normal or sweet people just don’t work for them. So, how do you deal with such tough and cranky nuts?
The simple answer is you cannot deal with them easily as they are obsessed with getting their own way. Secondly, they are more interested in winning the argument than being right or apologizing if they are wrong. However, instead of taking such human bulls by their own horns and injuring yourself take a step back and research such behaviors.
The real reason why you can’t blame such persons for acting irrationally is that there is a scientific reason for such behavior. And that reason is biological as we humans are not uniformly programmed species like animals and birds. As you would have observed, animals and birds of a species behave in the same manner.
For example, a sheep has been biologically programmed by Mother Nature to be a timid creature, while a tiger has been programmed to be ferocious. You don’t see tigers give up their ferocious nature even if you breed and train them in captivity. And a sheep cannot be trained to become a ferocious creature. But no such rules apply to human beings. Humans are not uniform in their behavior and each person is unique in his or her inborn ways.
For example, even in the case of identical twins, one can exhibit a rough nature while another can be sweet. This is why it’s rarely possible to effectively lead people unless you use some unconventional methods. Or it’s better to gain the specific knowledge that teaches you how to understand why people act cranky. Coming back to the original discussion people who are restless, impatient, irritable, tough, perfectionists, demanding, etc., normally belong to a category called Type-A personality, or in some cases can be a higher version called Type-A+, the kind you see in dictators or extremely tough and dangerous people.
In fact, Type-A/A+ personality develops right from childhood and this is why we see many kids are difficult to handle. It’s in their manufacturing design. So, it’s not easy to deal with Type-A/A+ people for the simple reason you could be one yourself. Most people don’t know they are Type-A unless a doctor or psychologist tells them. It is this lack of knowledge that causes a great deal of grief both ways when dealing with such people.
Nevertheless, it’s important to recognize that a mysterious feature called a Type-A/A+ personality exists in many humans and learn some ways to deal with it effectively. Given below is a layman’s guide to understanding the characteristics of Type A and A+ people.
Type-A people suffer from an exaggerated sense of urgency for everything. For example, they hate being late or being kept waiting. They can’t take no for an answer. They periodically experience bouts of anger, restlessness, irritability, impatience, and general hostility toward everything. Due to this, they get angry and explode for simple or even trivial reasons without realizing why.
Such people don’t know how and when to relax and are always in an endless state of internal turmoil, often uncontrolled and unknowingly. Their thinking and thoughts will normally be very intense. They are usually very independent and direct to the point. For example, they don’t take insults or criticism lightly.
They will always be on the lookout for perfection (of their definition) in everything they do. Such people demand that perfection even from others and want everyone to rise to their level of thinking and working. They expect others to read their mind and act accordingly thereby making others uncomfortable and often exhibiting dictatorial behaviors.
Facial calmness is different from internal turmoil. Internally they will experience enormous amounts of personal stress that they cannot release easily or share their problems with others. Such people don’t realize their effect on others as they simply do not see the ugly picture they portray to others.
Type-A people also experience higher degrees of heart trouble than others. Now, let us look at some solutions.
If you are a Type-A person yourself
The most important knowledge in life is to constantly be aware of your own behaviors. Before criticizing or grumbling about the qualities of others, it’s important to test if you belong to a Type-A/A+ personality yourself. For this, you need a candid discussion with yourself or perhaps a doctor to see if we have any of the qualities mentioned above. Secondly, there are some psychological tests available for free on the internet that can determine if you are a Type-A/A+, provided you answer the questions honestly.
If you discover you are a Type-A/A+, then you should take immediate steps to create an internal calmness program before you go bust. The change will not happen overnight, but now that you know a beast exists inside you, it’s time to take charge of your behaviors and not let them run amok. For example, the next time you start getting impatient when waiting for someone or something, you can realize the nasty agitation that is brewing inside you is because you have a Type-A personality. Then you can start calming down and stop getting agitated further.
Gradually, you will understand why you are stressed, why you are always agitated, why you blow your fuse, why you can’t relax, and so on. Soon, for every irrational behavior you exhibit, you can have immediate self-realization gently thumping you on the head to steer you to calmer behavior. Armed with this knowledge you can now gradually learn to relax, be lazy, cultivate the power to let go, and enjoy life better.
If you are dealing with a Type-A person
Except for a genuine mental illness and certain types of personal problems, it’s usually the intense biological forces of Type-A/A+ that make people act cranky about anything and everything. But if you are knowledgeable about the characteristics of a type-A/A+ person it’s easy to understand the irrational behavior of others.
So, if a person is acting impatient or fussy you now know exactly why they do that. Instead of agitating the person further, you can think of ways to help him or her if possible. And you can also educate them to realize they are a Type-A/A+ person so that it enlightens them and others.
There is another personality called a Type-B personality, or a socializer type who has the following characteristics.
They are relaxed and have a cool attitude.
They are friendly, patient, easy to deal with, and generally content with life.
They will be at peace and harmony within themselves, positively look at life, and are not too concerned about losing.
Finally, your objective is to gradually become a Type-B person in your behaviors, while retaining the Type-A behaviors in areas where it’s necessary. Take your time. It’s not easy to make the jump from A/A+ to B and may take several months of conscious effort, but it’s possible if you take small sustained steps toward it.
The key is to pause and remember why you are getting agitated, ask if it’s really necessary to jump up and down or explode, and then calm down. Calming down can be done by taking a walk in the park, sleeping, washing your face, taking a bath, drinking water, breathing deeply, reading an inspirational quote or a joke, watering the garden, etc. And, most importantly, resist the urge to say or write something nasty that can backfire badly.
Some famous Quotes
Nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished — Lau Tzu
Gentleness is strength under control. It is the ability to stay calm, no matter what happens — Elizabeth George
By staying calm, you increase your resistance against any kind of storm — Mehmet Murat ildan
Don’t let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace — Kimberly Jones
Opportunity seldom rises with blood pressure — Jarod Kintz
~ 🤵 About the Author — Thejendra Sreenivas was a Technology Manager in the IT industry for nearly 30 years. He is now an Author and Book Publishing Coach and helps authors to Self-Publish their books Worldwide on Amazon and Non-Amazon retailers. He has written 30+ books on various topics. Visit his online cave — www.thejendra.com for more details.
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